feeling good

dis is my fifth blog today, actually first today for its 1am now
i m feeln so good for finding a way to xpress my thots....and fln nice dat i cud finally be honest in putting things d way dey are, in not cutting and modifying the turth....
i m happy ppl ho read dis will kno wot i actually feel and may be after a long time ppl will get vot i mean!
*sigh*
i m soo tired now and tomorrow is a long day! but i jus dun fl like doin anythng else....my fone is switched off, books kept aside, i got journals to be corrected, submissions to ber made, but der is a smile on my face n within me a feeling of comfort
i m happy i started blogging

be me

i happened to read a post by a friend on childhood and dis is wot i got to say....

i remember running out of my school gates full of joy, walking back home, jumping in puddles of water, doin my homework and den going to the garden wid either mom or dad or both....
i remember hoping d only swing in the small garden near my house to be empty, and i remember each time d swing went up and back again the butterflies in my stomach.....i remember walking out of d park and asking mom for a balloon..... dun jus kno wot happiness it gave carrying a rubber polymer filled wid carbon dioxide gave me! but i remember being soo happy den, wen i din kno wot happiness meant!

today i have changed soo much and each of us do....but how!
the joy of spotting an aeroplane in d sky, running like a just freed animal, dancing in the rain, crying like hell wen mom wud scold and just wishing i grow up fast was my childhood....
i din kno rite or rong but i still did no rong to others.... i wud fear buying a chocolate of 50paise wen my mother wud ask me to get some vegetables from the market without her permission! i cudn look in her eyes wen i tried lying to her, wud feel so guilty on doin even a small thing rong!
i knew i din need to worry, i knw i cud behave however i wished to, dat i was not expected to show i care and prove it to the world, i knw my priorities well den and der was no issue in living life, yes my priority to smile to listen to my mother and den the world....i din have to think about whom to trust and whom to ignore... i didnot know the word ignore! every thing brot a smile on my face
a chocolate was d ultimate gift, i din kno wot a diamond pendant was, neither did it matter, i luved to stand and stare at the birds lifting off for flight, i luved sitting on the beach not knowing politics to discuss and criticize! i luved to dream, i believed i cud do everything and anything in the world, i believed my dad was the wisest man alive on earth, i believed no body cud harm me till my mother is around, believed my sister was a gift 4m god to me!
my teacher was alwz rite and i believed her wen she said 'a' cums before 'b' and 'b' before 'c'!
i feared going to school without having my tables learnt!i feared to not obey my elders, back replying was a sin...
lifes changes soo much but y?
i still wud wish to live life my way, a life full of innocence, i dun wan to think about wot is rite and wot not, i dun wanna smile wen i feel lik crying.....and i dun wanna prove my thots, my beliefs...i dun need any1s suggestions on how do i live my life! i dun wan ppl around me to prove me rong, i dun wan any explaination and i dun wanna understand, i jus want freedom.....i dun need statements from the newspaper, i dun need 'chill's and 'sorry's i dun wanna think b4 i acted, i dun wanna growup now
i dun wanna have insecurities, how i wish i cud just believe dat ppl hum i like will not hurt me, will not ditch me.i dun wanna kno wot ego is....i dun wanna have grudges, i wanna forgive, i wanna take a break!
i wanna believe in all things being beautiful, in santa claus, in faries, i wanna believe i m a princess and dat i will hav a fairy godmother...dat wen i kno i m rite and i desparately need help, i will not have to approach ppl ho make me regret sking dat help! i wish i had sumbdy to fite for me jus me, sum1 i cud totally rely on.... i wanna share a secret and promise my fren it wud never cumout till death, i dun wanna be logically correct alwz....
i wanna fly, i wanna sing, i wanna shout, i wanna run, fly a kite, believe dat i can conquer the world, believe in my dreamz and not think if dey are rational....i dun wanna care about vot u feel bout me, i wanna kno u like me for vot i am as an eternal truth......i just wanna be me!

i like....

so now dat u kno wot i dislike dis is vot i like.....
1. I luv my mom calling me by my nick name n my younger sis calling me 'manna'
2.I luv my family and friends
3.I luv ppl ho like living der life for a good reason!
and besides i like....
1. the first drops of rain and the sweet smell of the wet earth
(sound so typical...i kno but its soo true)
2.spotting a star in the night sky! man! Star gazing drives me crazy!
dun believe me as i say dis but it does lift me off my feet....I feel soooo happy and all excited wen i see a star! Makes me feel outa the world...:)
3.oohhh.... I luv INDIA
aaaahhh! i m one proud indian...spk anythn not good about my nation n i'll show you....
No other country stands in comparision for me b4 India
globalization and 1world are nice things but sum whr in my heart (m sory i cant help it)
i jus kno 1 thing.....saare jahan se aacha hindusitan humara
Jai Hind!
4.I luv MUMBAI
woohhhh i kant describe how rocking dis place is......
i'll rite a separate blog for it
5. next i luv water! yup H2O!
i luv waterfalls, streams, rivers, lakes, ponds, the ocean! simply luv water!
6. flowers
any flowers will do, dey are soooo beautiful
7. colours
i m crazy behind colours, ny colours...pastels, wax crayons, water colours, oil paints, fabric, acrylic just ny colour
(for frens: hint- gift me flowers or preferentially colours)
8. taking a walk wid frens at shivaji park
ppl dun get it, why d craze....well cum to sp sumde aaram se wid me n my frens n u'll kno jus y v luv this place
9.icecreams
my college frens kno d best my craze for having ICECREAMS!!!!
10. I LOVE LIFE
it rocks! inspiteof all dat happened and all i still may have to face.....life is beautiful!
:)

Dislike

In life
1. I hate men who disrespect women
2. I hate d women ho still repect such men
3. I hate cheaters, back biters, frauds X-P
and besides i dislike.....
1.ny1 waking me up 4m deep sleep
2.physics lectures of fe tronics
3.ppl spitting on roads! eeewww.....
4. waiting for ppl
5. being rite and not being able or getting a chance to put my point across
6.ppl ho showoff beyond a limit
7.ppl ho think to much of demselves and in turn say sumthn to simply humiliate others not as good as dem in dat field
(Y forget evry1 is gifted wid sum talent!)
8.ppl ho dun believe me as i spk d truth
9. ppl ho like hurting others jus for fun
10.d word 'hate'
its too harsh wen you actually mean it....:)

COMPLAINTS

We are all so well aware of the fact that,life moves on. Each of us have our own share of ups and downs. In the end everythings gets fine! but only if knowing was enuf!


Small things, small events, small are the moments dat pass, few of dem make us smile and when things dun turn as we had expected them to, we have on thing to make- a complaint!


Expecting things is a quality we inherit on being born as humans! :P
We say one must not expect, but like the many things we jus know but we havnt followed in the true sense, we expect!
We expect ppl around us to behave the way we hav judged dem, dey way we want dem to, the way dey cud make us feel good rather correct even if we ourselves wudnot have behaved in such a way! No mattr how silly this seems now, wen wot we expect doesnot happen, we feel upset and we den have a COMPLAINT!


Wen we dun forget to advice others to chillax on der issues, we often forget our own words when the tables turn! Wen we falter in our duties in a relationship, we are human...wen others go wrong they dun care! wen we messup things, we xpect others to understand but d person we hold a complaint against should possibly have no reason for his behaviour according to us! It is sad but true, our nature as humans of dis century is very cynical!
We just cannot accept that may be ppl around us r not dat bad, maybe dey have other things to do dan just annoy us or hurt us. We dun allow relations to have basic trust and understanding in dem. We find it so hard to accept we may also be WRONG! We find it easier to Complain and even more unfortunate is the fact we just complaint never do something about it!


A very important truth however is that, you dun generally complaint to strangers
(errr....about ur relationship problems, railways, electricity complaints go to useless strangers) you complain to and against only ppl you have given a place in your heart, against ppl ho matter to you :)

Wen you try hard and things dun turn the way you want them to , you complain! :
When you feel you are being taken for granted you complain, wen you are hurt maybe but you dun wanna take a revenge, wen you dun wanna hurt the 1 anyhow who has caused even discomfort or even pain you complain! Just to convey 'Hey! dun do dat! It hurts!'
You dun do dat just for ny1, you do it for the ones u dun wanna lose. you do it to convey, your feelings....you do it to reach!

(Accusing a loved 1 is however rong unless things have really gone messy, bcoz to accuse and to complain are two different words to have two different meanings!)


So complain but wid care, wen needed....Dun get on to the nerves of the other person!
Realize all dat you know. learn to FORGIVE!


It is not that tough to make new relations but very difficult to maintain them, very easy to lose them but important to understand it is just and just dese relations u need alwz in life....even if you have a complain
*keep smiling*
take care

AMBITION

As a child we wish to grow up very soon and sumwhr in our hearts often decide that when i grow up, my life shall be like this....As grownups we change, our style of thinking, our preferances and thus knowingly unknowingly, close the path that may be we actually did sumwhr want to pursue, sumtime in life.....
i had my first group discussion in college about 'what is it exactly that influences students to select an option as their courier...' and i summarize it as dis at dis moment, those who want to do things differently donot get influenced and d 1s ho donot dare to dream independently can cling to any argument they find suitable to influence themhowever a thought that comes to me after this is till wen?
we all have a lauf wen v read 'i was born intelligent, education ruined me' but most of us donot wish to do anything about it, v let our schooling interfere wid our process of gaining knowledge...vot cums thru d syllabus seems sufficient, it gets u marks, a degree and money,living life ends there or may be as matti puts it 'gameach sampla'but how i wish v were to understand, the whole purpose of education is kno d difference between right and wrong....and had v known dat,v mite hav considered getting a change in our society, in things that are rong! we mite have considered living, not just surviving! we mite hav considered, dat der is sum point in having the courage to be wot v are, to do sumthing dat we really wud hav liked to do and may be sumwhr we may consider getting a change!
change isn't easy but ain't it bettr to do sumthn rite dan jus follow a path taken over and ovr?how do we waste talent, dat can help contribute to improve living, in simply running behind things so superficial?how do we choose striving endlessly behind things dat ain't even certain dan living life?you get life once, how about living it fully? living it for u!
we are all so well versed wid phrases like 'cut throat competition' and 'rat race', and most of us despise it, but at sum point...how all of us becum and remain a part of it?!:)u cheat, u bluff, u go to any extent to earn money....u lie to frens of how much u study today, and in fture shall lie to others of how much you earn...paisa paisa just paisa.....it blinds you, leave alone helping others, ur money hunt leaves you not a humanbeing!WHY??to leave all this behind wen v die?is it bettr to hav stacks of money as we leave earth or ppl ho remember u as a good person?
just be yourself, kno your needs, wants and wishes never end...try getting your life for d use of sum1 else, try getting a smile on sum1s face, da my frens will be ur treasure....earn but donot kill yourself for it! nor ur conscience nor your thoughts...dun let d shimmer make you sumthn u dun deserve to be,kno dat u r soo beautiful a person and so unique, nobody else like you exists! BE YOU dats it!:)

MY TREASURE

friendship is like a garden of flowers fine and rareit cannot reach perfection, without through luv n careden new n lovely blossoms, each new day appearfor friendship like a garden grows in beauty year by year
money doesn matter now, der r plenty of rich chaps, luks never did matter to dat xtent, wisdom...ppl dun understand it, i guess ur tru wealth is ur frens 2de!
der r many of us soo lucky to hav gems as our frens, me.....i cant thank god enuf 4 all my precious possessions i have in der form...
wen i cry, i hav more dan a shoulder to listen to me patiently each time n give me a solution, wen i smile dey smile saying dey r soo happy 4 me, ppl ho understand me mor dan i do, n ppl ho never leave me alone, as i sit 2de d countless memories of all d times of my life made soo special by all my frens cum to me, d fone calls n d messages, d meetings at sp n other places, d pranks, d fun, d fites n d patching up, d sharing secrets n stories, r all infinitesmially special,d way v call each others, d special 'hi's' n 'heylos', d 'high-fives', d pats on d back, d elbow of a fren, resting on ur shoulder,
i cant thank god enuf 4 gifting me my frens, each smile and greeting, d tone of d voice, d comfort received wen thngs get messy, d understanding ur thots, d 'i kno!' and d 'chalta hai yarr', d times wen i hav made a fool of myself and done thngs to embarace me, thnks guys 4 being der
d ice creams after collg, d sandwichwala outside ruparel, d gaane ka juice after arun roy classes, may seem so usual, but d times shared treasured, d hangouts at pheonix, d movies v didnot seen together, d arguments n disagreements, i can't imagine life widout dem and d endless list of things dat my frens do so many times 4 me, d never tiring ear to my nonsense, the help given soo many times and patience to hear me complain,it cannot be xpressed how valued dese thngs r, d advices given, and d suggestions asked all matter so much! to kno der r ppl ho lik u 4 wot u r, ho kno d person in u, ho kno d way ur heartbeats and ho do care 4 u in der own ways can do nothing less dan touch my heart and make me smile,
life is small and even smaller to live well, and friends add such a rich flavour to it, for all d times i hav been unreasonably stubborn or rude or 4 d times i hav taken u guys 4 granted, i apologize, for friendship roks n i value all u guys whether or not i may show, each one of u very dear to me, very very special!god bless! >>:D<<

CHILL!

chill...d word i hear so frequently nowadayz 4m ho so ever i spk to, suri, guggs, shwe......al dat i do n all wot i say i get a word bak--CHILL!!!!!
well life has changed soo much n my adjustments to dese changes hav so not being d way dey shud hav been,school was awesum, i was as stupid but smarter dan d lot around me, heart still dominated head but it worked so well
now is a new world to enter n xplore now, new rules, new trends, and a new culture to understand, accept n follow...aaahhh..., ppl ho kno me say i hav changed a lot now n dat its 4 good however i so miss those dayz dat passed....now life is hell different,and dis quite obvious,problems strange,like handling a cold war in class or telling a fren its ok 4 sum others to not bhav well, to handle MISUNDERSTANDINGS and well see, nobody jugded u b4, now how u say, vot u say n wen u say all matters, ppl say dey trust u, dey dont, u say u trust dem and even u dun....as i stand here seeing all dat passing by so quickly, all i can do is wonder at d things n events n reactions to all dat happening around!
nothing affects any1 here, nor u nor vot matters to u, well it shudn to dose whm u dun kno but it sure must do to d 1s ho r supposedly ur frens, if u get angry, its ur problem, if u dun lik sumthng its ur damn problem again,u upset, handle it! u scared...toh? u cannot possibly xpect ny1 now to behave in a particular way! wot u say is not taken in as ur message now n d understanding dat helped ppl i knew kno my state of mind far b4 i spok vanished!dat is life! n dis may not be the complete picture but just a trailer of vot is to follows,u like it or u dun, doesn matter, u dun hav a choice in dat but yesu live it d way u wanmy life mite have seen changes and dose mite hav cum in lives of all of my frens, but dey r soo small before d 1s dat mite hav cum in d lives of well-jay in kota , of pranita in khadakpur n my poor lil guggs, in an all new country wid all strangers around, n my sweetheart all alone to handle d thngs, in collg too pp n ishu n joe (suri learnt it in kota) hav settled as hostellites n pgs amongst many others, and dey hav done so well, dey hav grown upand all of us will hav to continue, things will get introduced n hence shall seem different, u cannot stop d change so live it, tackle it patiently but first learn dis...'chill'
'Chill' is a word, dat annoyed me to a great xtent initially, it stood 4 sumthng so thanda, yaaa, sumthn so hollow, sensless n just so like a filler, wen u dun kno wot to say say chill but now i realise dis word roks! n i lik it for more dan 1 reason, 4 being so much sensible,yes sensible, 4 standing for d lines 'everythings gonna be alright' and even 'dun wory, be happy', i hav understood how do i take d word n give it a meaning and dat makes it such a pretty and smart word...so wen things n situations get messy, u dun kno vot is rite n vot not, chill! wen u get tired of d crap ppl around u r goin on wid, chill! wen u get misinterpretated n vot u dun wan, does happen chill!just chill!(thnks suri!)

wen luved 1s get ngry.....

wenever you fall short nywhere in life, u get back on track most times very well wid the help of sum ho cares 4 u, sum ho likes u, sum1 4 hom u mattr, n u just cant thank those sum ppl enuf for being der, vot gets even more difficult dan d problem itself is wen any of dose few special ppl get angry wid u, get upset bcoz of sumthn u hav said or done,,,,,ppl ho care for you r special coz dey know u, accept you n like you 4 d person dat you are, and wen vot u do hurts dose special ppl, it gets very important to kno wot loss may follow n hence take care to coverup d differences!forgivness cums not easily at such times becoz its ur responsibility to understand ur priced possesions in d ppl who care 4 u and care 4 dem bak! and in most cases v do almost unknowingly, but ppl not only liked being luved but also prefer to kno dat dey r bein luved....so wen luved 1s get angry, let dem kno dat dey r d luved 1s in ur life,say sory n mean it n also say d truth as u state dat dey not being happy, gets u affected too,coz its not jus sad times dat need to be shared n stood by each other at, but times of joy too cannot be lived wid n felt wid unless u have ppl wid u ho really care n help protect ur smile...

my college life

college dayz are full of activities done no where else,the life being an 18year old and being a student of an institute is unmatched.it starts wid smiles n ends wid memories....dat stay for years to cum in d future....be it good or bad, u learn, vich u alwz do thru life, but here d risk being not dat great,collg lifes stays more or less d same for every teenager turned adult,yet dis is how my engg coll life goes... my day starts at 7.00am(d 'am' is necessary believe me....) wid me leaving d house shortly for dadar station, dat has bcum 1 of d important places in my life, ppl everywhere, so many of dem leaving, so many entering, not counting d so many others dat hang from d locals dat pass thru d station, i guess every 20-30 secs....to meet my train gang...olive, ninja, donald n now a new member yogi(all of us hav not travelled together yet,till now), the train soon reaches andheri stn, a place yet again soo on d verge of bursting wid d amount of ppl der, to head 4 a ricksha hunt outside d station to reach bhavans campus, munshi nagar, where is d place i do d soo much commuting for- my college 'sardar patel institute of technology'! college day starts now wid d entering class n placing yours bags on d last benches, to greet almost everyone sitting in d class b4 leaving for our practicals, i never listen to d instructions being given around, my mind stays occupied in planning a mischief like slyly removing d wire dat connects d mouse or sumtms d monitor itself from d pc of a frensoo engrossed, in trying to act like he/she is listening in d cp lab, or may be filling sum apparatus wid water to sprinkle on every1s bak in d chem lab, v do d experiment alwz wrong d first one and a half hour n in d last half hour wen forced to take readings 4 a signature on den, make thngs quick to still jus copy dem 4m a neighbouring group, a3 dats wot is my batchs name is full of all d mischeif mongers of my class, i can call d life of our class wid all of d members being my frens, dis batch has a majority of my good frens n me so it roks, lest a sudden thot of bein sincere strikes us all of sudden, practicals go smoothly to head bal to d class for lectures and dat follows,v got d most boring teachers alive on planet earth,(exceptions prevail) ho try a lot but sadly jus endup trying to teach but all in vain as dey rnot even successful in catching n holding our attention for a span of more dan 30 secs! v hav paper ball fites, gossips, tiffins open n being passed, missed calls being given n received, yes received to plans being made4m d birthdays dat r heading to d lunch time adventures...a few lectures cum n go, a few just bcum successful in stopping time, ven all of us push it literally to save our souls 4m d seemingly never ending trauma, my lunch brk starts wid me finishing my tiffin wid d help(self invited) of my frens, after vich i head to d mess to jus give company to my frens ho live in d hostel or as pg's as dey hav der lunch, v walk bak lazily to d class to hav a discussion on sum topic, arguing over sumthng or d otherand trying to beat each other by words, d collg now has a lec or two to hav pracs again b4 a very impo part of d coll cums d walk 4m class room to d gate thru d campus meeting soo many ppl talking, talking n talking, buying an icecream deciding plans n submissions for d days to cum and reach d station eventually.... college life may not hav been d fun filled it is widout my frens, all of dem.... i get mad at dem at times, mess up thngs very often, but knowing d fact dey will b der to be by me wen i need dem, wenever, is a beautiful feeling to have, taking each others side, listening to complaints, speaking your heart out, my collg is jus lik a cumplt wrldin itself, v hav cold wars in our class, v hav ppl hom v favour, n ppl v dun lik, all blend to give 1 taste of dis life.....dat has changed soo much 4m vot it was to vot it is now.der will b times i will say i hate thngs, but times wen i will smile n say, college is not dat bad infact it roks soon to follow, to leave me wid 1 mor xperience in my voyage of discoveries!!:)