The morning comes with its beautiful colours, each dawn showing a picture of magic in reality but i stay in my bed dreaming of me lost in the tangles of an unknown world to suddenly wakeup.
The birds chirp on the lucky and scatterd few trees and sing a song of joy that doesnot reach my brain. I am lost in the worry of planning my day. I get ready and have my breakfast with a quick glance at the newspaper that speaks of corruption and terrorism. The temple in my house gets a glance from the corner of my eye and i don't wait to fold my hands and connect to him or myself. I run down the stair and sit in the car and then travel by the train to college. I am busy to the world but in truth i am running just running to nowhere.
In the class i dun take a minute to feel the breeze from the window on my face, this wind might have blown from the mountains and hills and the valleys of great rivers that i write in my essays as places i want to visit. The drops of rain fall down on to the earth and seep inside the soil, they leave behind an aroma, the only smell of nature i can identify but they don't quench the thirst in me, i am not satisfied Then i walk back to the station ignoring the beggars by the roadside, seldom i give them alms and i make my way through plastic bags and gutka wrappers, cigratte stubs and red stains of paan to see a child wailing in the arms of a lady busy arranging articles she will sell.
The train, noise, smoke in the traffic and roses being sold, glittering butterfly clips, ganpati bapa on politic posters, waterfalls on chartpapers... It all goes by and i keep running to reach nowhere. Money and fun.. Thats what my age call life. Pendrives and cellfones is what we own. 'Values' and 'integrity' are words from the dictionary used to describe all we dont have. A scream, a shout, and a sudden blow of guilt hit me and go! Like waves of the ocean that touch the shores and wash things away. How I loved those colours, in my painting class... yellow ochre and cobalt blue for the sand and the sea. I once bought a bracelet of those colours...the blue n ochre shells and then in the mad rush of the train the very first time i wore it, it broke and scatterd and people stepped on my favourite coloured shells. I made a face and walked away!
I don't knw how much should i try, if i should to tell myself i'l be there when i put a screensaver of a scenic beach on my pc and smile. Life is now and it passes this is how... People and problems, movies and magzine, suddenly and slowly all of them fade away... Life is beautiful....it was always and it will be....
i wish however i stay alive to live! :
Sunday, August 9, 2009
~Love~
Love! Such a strong word. Its activates and tunes antennas of people wheneva pronounced. However to me Its a word i associate to a completely diffrnt emotion. You see There r smiles and laufter which are good. There are tears and frowns the bad ones and there is love. Its may be like a state of mind similar to when you drink... You are in a different world.. And ur senses don't work! I ain't sure of my words however coz i hav experiencd neither.
Then again, i am certain Mom loves me is good. Its considrd pure. Cindrella's prince falls in love with her is so beautiful but when it comes to boyfriend loves girlfriend in your teens... The elder generations has frowns on their faces and a feeling of disgust in their eyes. It ain't equally good for them i suppose? I wonder just exactly why?
There was a time In school to be frank, when i was my mumma's good girl, it was ethically wrong for me too to have a bf or gf.
Now its not. My very very good friends have bf/gfs and its totally cool. I love listening to how they met, how they meet now and bout gifts, cards and valentines day!
From dependence in family to independence in friends we move on to interdependence and so on. Whatever it is... Friends are life for me and ditching them for one person i ain't sure may dump me when.. Lieing to family and breaching their trust is something i ain't being able to convince myself is right! Relations shouldnot be degraded! Friendship shouldnot be insulted. Go have a relation but break his friendships and spoil yours.. Is so uncool. Really! How can u fall in depression when she says no and how can you tell him our secrets without my consent X-( love in teens... Maturity VS insanity! EI VS stupidity! Its irritating when people who dun even knw wot love is claim to have fallen in love. And they spoil everything. Even the name of love. Suicides and jealousy and depressions. It sucks. And worst of all they act as murderers of friendships. Love is nice! I hope i fall in love with a nice guy someday but seriously i have always been tot in true relations u are not asked to choose between two people you like and respect. If that is happening somethng is wrong. Pls dun lie to ur friends or break der trust, it is pukka pukka not worth it!
Take care and dun finish yourself for woteva reason. Dun let ny1 hurt you. Go fall in love... but dun lose urself. God bless u and all the friendshp dat u'll try2 ditchky marofy in love or wotever. :P
Keep smiling =)
Then again, i am certain Mom loves me is good. Its considrd pure. Cindrella's prince falls in love with her is so beautiful but when it comes to boyfriend loves girlfriend in your teens... The elder generations has frowns on their faces and a feeling of disgust in their eyes. It ain't equally good for them i suppose? I wonder just exactly why?
There was a time In school to be frank, when i was my mumma's good girl, it was ethically wrong for me too to have a bf or gf.
Now its not. My very very good friends have bf/gfs and its totally cool. I love listening to how they met, how they meet now and bout gifts, cards and valentines day!
From dependence in family to independence in friends we move on to interdependence and so on. Whatever it is... Friends are life for me and ditching them for one person i ain't sure may dump me when.. Lieing to family and breaching their trust is something i ain't being able to convince myself is right! Relations shouldnot be degraded! Friendship shouldnot be insulted. Go have a relation but break his friendships and spoil yours.. Is so uncool. Really! How can u fall in depression when she says no and how can you tell him our secrets without my consent X-( love in teens... Maturity VS insanity! EI VS stupidity! Its irritating when people who dun even knw wot love is claim to have fallen in love. And they spoil everything. Even the name of love. Suicides and jealousy and depressions. It sucks. And worst of all they act as murderers of friendships. Love is nice! I hope i fall in love with a nice guy someday but seriously i have always been tot in true relations u are not asked to choose between two people you like and respect. If that is happening somethng is wrong. Pls dun lie to ur friends or break der trust, it is pukka pukka not worth it!
Take care and dun finish yourself for woteva reason. Dun let ny1 hurt you. Go fall in love... but dun lose urself. God bless u and all the friendshp dat u'll try2 ditchky marofy in love or wotever. :P
Keep smiling =)
Friday, July 24, 2009
*HATE IT*
You start every morning with an optimistic attitude that today is going to be nice. Not all days stand true to what you want them to be obviously, but somedays leave me irritated to the extents, days where i can take no nonsense, not even, 0.0005%, days i actually can't stand some familiar faces, i call them 'the hate days'
On hate days nothing annoys me more than people critising me. I hate going wrong, remember my previous blog *i am sorry* First nobody helps on their own, always make me ask for help, with the risk that some them will just say no to help, and then when I am in the middle of some problem, worried…tell me k 'tu udasi ki dukaan hai'... Teri toh aisi ki taisi!!
I hate it when people tell me, 'rehne de, tujhe se nahi hoga'! I hate aunties telling me, how i should behave with my mother, or when they remind me of the sacrifices my mother has made for me. Why can't aunties-- extras MTOB (mind their own buisness)
i hate it when i am in the middle of telling something important and you catch a wrong prouniciation or a grammar error or a double meaning n start laufing like a fool, i swear it is very pissing off at times, my sister does it, some of my friends do it. Yes you obviously need people to correct you, but not in the middle of anything and everything!
I hate my birthdays. I seriously HATE my birthday! Y??? I can't explain everything here.. But the last thing i look forward to would be MY birthday! X-P *phbbtt...
I hate it when you don't do things on your own and find mistakes in the way i do them.
And finally I hate these hate days coz i hate the word 'hate' it hurts in every way! :(
hate days are days i behave in a very irrational way. I don't think or understand. I expect you to behave like i want, which as mentioned so many times before is bakwas!
*sigh* today was a hate day….everything seemed wrong!
But…..i love life :P : :D
On hate days nothing annoys me more than people critising me. I hate going wrong, remember my previous blog *i am sorry* First nobody helps on their own, always make me ask for help, with the risk that some them will just say no to help, and then when I am in the middle of some problem, worried…tell me k 'tu udasi ki dukaan hai'... Teri toh aisi ki taisi!!
I hate it when people tell me, 'rehne de, tujhe se nahi hoga'! I hate aunties telling me, how i should behave with my mother, or when they remind me of the sacrifices my mother has made for me. Why can't aunties-- extras MTOB (mind their own buisness)
i hate it when i am in the middle of telling something important and you catch a wrong prouniciation or a grammar error or a double meaning n start laufing like a fool, i swear it is very pissing off at times, my sister does it, some of my friends do it. Yes you obviously need people to correct you, but not in the middle of anything and everything!
I hate my birthdays. I seriously HATE my birthday! Y??? I can't explain everything here.. But the last thing i look forward to would be MY birthday! X-P *phbbtt...
I hate it when you don't do things on your own and find mistakes in the way i do them.
And finally I hate these hate days coz i hate the word 'hate' it hurts in every way! :(
hate days are days i behave in a very irrational way. I don't think or understand. I expect you to behave like i want, which as mentioned so many times before is bakwas!
*sigh* today was a hate day….everything seemed wrong!
But…..i love life :P : :D
Saturday, July 11, 2009
*In my mind*
As I still walk through the streets around my house, my mind always (yes sir, always) is in thoughts of these places being visited by me, a few years later, and the satisfaction I am waiting to achieve by being someone worthy by then. Me not being successful, but very very successful!
I don’t value the opinions of the masses about things I do. The crowd is definitely not amongst the people I respect, but still there is a fire in me to show the crowd, how I came and conquered. That’s a dream…the struggle-- my life is for!
I am amongst the people, who needs just a roof on the head, food for survival and freedom for my thoughts and actions! Each time I am with my colours and canvas, I am super happy. But what I decide to achieve is, power in this birth… so that I can contribute, so that I can be satisfied with the amount I want to give now, but cannot till I become someone who posses a lot, someone powerful!
Someone right, someone good. I wish my being there makes a difference in the life of people around me!
I don’t value the opinions of the masses about things I do. The crowd is definitely not amongst the people I respect, but still there is a fire in me to show the crowd, how I came and conquered. That’s a dream…the struggle-- my life is for!
I am amongst the people, who needs just a roof on the head, food for survival and freedom for my thoughts and actions! Each time I am with my colours and canvas, I am super happy. But what I decide to achieve is, power in this birth… so that I can contribute, so that I can be satisfied with the amount I want to give now, but cannot till I become someone who posses a lot, someone powerful!
Someone right, someone good. I wish my being there makes a difference in the life of people around me!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
*emotional attyachar!*
Ever been hurt by someone who you really cared for.. i have.....and it hurts a lot! :(
Its really bad--the feeling! ouch...
There is something i learnt lately however, that i want to share.....
We humans are responsible (response+ able). we have the response-ability to the situations around us. we cannot change others to a great extent most of the times, but we can....choose our response....and this thought helped me bring so many realisations! all people are good, like i always say, and all of them are different! each individual doesnot react to the same situation as you would. and it is so silly expecting them to do so. when we wish others to understand, we must first ourselves be understanding to their situations! happpiness is something we all want, and we and just we are responsible for our happiness! thats dat! how smart is it, to leave your happiness, which is the reason you do all the struggle in your life, at the mercy of others?
if somebody speaks well to me...i'll be happy!
if someone doesnot act like he cares....i cry.... i feel so bad.....what a big fool am i?
there is no sense in me wasting my energy and moments of my life that are never to return sulking over things not worth sulking! : its not about what others are not doing! or what others should be doing....its all about how i choose to react to the situations given to me......
i can complain today to friends....call some1 insensitive or unreasonable....but thats so wrong! I m failing to give a proper reaction, and blaming others for not being caring and hurting me is rubbish! nobody can hurt me till i permit them too on an emotional level, be it my relative, my colleague, society or even my friends!
It is important to be proactive! I and just I am responsible for my self and all that happens to me! :)
so...yey! i m happy........... this realisation means a lot to me....
hope this does sound meaningful to you too
take care
keep smiling
you r responsible! :D
~extras~
We live in a society...so we keep bumping into many people every now and then..... A few of these people form the group we like...few others form the group we don't....and these are the ones we like to give most our attention to! :) but that happens with a lil difficulty due to another group pf people called *the extras*
we have aunties and uncles and people of our age and those younger to us....all come together to form this group of people who incessently keep speaking crap on us, about us, keep suggesting, keep advising! i hate dem! X-P
i dunno why people love watching others fall in problems, they enjoy the struggle of others more than their own work, such people are the ones i find really irritating! i hate people who enjoy tamashas on the expense of any body elses misery! if a road accident or even a small tiff in two individuals on the street happens, there are hardly few who get involved and help sort the matter but many other who just stand and stare,,,,,,"arre, baap re, pata hai uss admi ne usse inni galiya di" for god sake apna kaam karo, why this behaviour?
then there are the homely extras...aunties and uncles born in the world with one mission.....disturbing you....if you do good, they have an issue in their heads, yet come praising you, and addressing you like they have been your mentors and you have paid their efforts behind the success you achieved! when i was in school and whenevr i won a contest or cem first in exams...these extras come and start pestering....."beta, mummy ko bolo party de" you want it go and ask my mom, stop wasting my time! when i slogged through the night did you stay up with me, party....my foot! paise jhaad pe ugte hai?
the next part....it would not have even been such a big issue had these extras stopped at just this... success and failure which are opposites strike everyone! in times you have done well, the extras keep praising you, and make you as examples to their kids ( i really pity kids whose parents expect them to be like sum1 else than just being them selves, such parents who do not respect the indiviuality of their kids are so not cool! it different asking sum1 to be inspired from an other person and its different to kepp making sh*tty comparisons between two different people!) and if you don't do well they disturb you even more....
each SSC or HSC student is troubled unnecessarily by neighbours, relatives and other available extras to tell them,....beta this year ka hardwork is gonna make your life...bullsh*t! i scored very good percentage in both 10th and 12th and i dun think those scores did help me evolve in life in any way! chill people take a break! if you feel like advising so much...start writing a blog....jus dun trouble the ones around you!
yes we live in a society and its really good caring for others and helping each other, but advise should be given when asked for....be compassionate, show empathy and sympathaise..........plz dun act like annoying extras!
take care
keep smiling! :)
*p.s. i hope this blog is smaller :P
we have aunties and uncles and people of our age and those younger to us....all come together to form this group of people who incessently keep speaking crap on us, about us, keep suggesting, keep advising! i hate dem! X-P
i dunno why people love watching others fall in problems, they enjoy the struggle of others more than their own work, such people are the ones i find really irritating! i hate people who enjoy tamashas on the expense of any body elses misery! if a road accident or even a small tiff in two individuals on the street happens, there are hardly few who get involved and help sort the matter but many other who just stand and stare,,,,,,"arre, baap re, pata hai uss admi ne usse inni galiya di" for god sake apna kaam karo, why this behaviour?
then there are the homely extras...aunties and uncles born in the world with one mission.....disturbing you....if you do good, they have an issue in their heads, yet come praising you, and addressing you like they have been your mentors and you have paid their efforts behind the success you achieved! when i was in school and whenevr i won a contest or cem first in exams...these extras come and start pestering....."beta, mummy ko bolo party de" you want it go and ask my mom, stop wasting my time! when i slogged through the night did you stay up with me, party....my foot! paise jhaad pe ugte hai?
the next part....it would not have even been such a big issue had these extras stopped at just this... success and failure which are opposites strike everyone! in times you have done well, the extras keep praising you, and make you as examples to their kids ( i really pity kids whose parents expect them to be like sum1 else than just being them selves, such parents who do not respect the indiviuality of their kids are so not cool! it different asking sum1 to be inspired from an other person and its different to kepp making sh*tty comparisons between two different people!) and if you don't do well they disturb you even more....
each SSC or HSC student is troubled unnecessarily by neighbours, relatives and other available extras to tell them,....beta this year ka hardwork is gonna make your life...bullsh*t! i scored very good percentage in both 10th and 12th and i dun think those scores did help me evolve in life in any way! chill people take a break! if you feel like advising so much...start writing a blog....jus dun trouble the ones around you!
yes we live in a society and its really good caring for others and helping each other, but advise should be given when asked for....be compassionate, show empathy and sympathaise..........plz dun act like annoying extras!
take care
keep smiling! :)
*p.s. i hope this blog is smaller :P
an apology!
you kno i love talking....so i love writing as well...since the blogs are getting a lil longer....i wanna say i m sorry i'll try my best to keep them short and sweet...thanks for the suggestion :)
take care
keep smiling!
take care
keep smiling!
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